I'm suprised with myself. Shocked, actually (past the suprised marker and on down the road quite a ways). I honestly thought I knew myself a bit better than this. But sometimes, I suppose, a dream can tell us something about ourselve we simply hadn't a clue about.
I suppose I should elaborate, but I think I'll start by stating that this was NOT the personal issue with which I was going to deal last night. This one came from nowhere, and caught me by total suprise.
In any case, last night I had a dream (and a particularly vivid dream at that). To spare you the details, which to be perfectly honest have already begun to fade from my mind the way dreams often do, in this dream I had a child. MY child. And something that completely shocked me about that was that, while I've never stopped to think about a serious relationship (much LESS having a child) when I woke up, I found that I had the most intese yearning I've ever had in my entire life for just that. This raises it's own new breed of problems and obstacles (if this is really what I want... I just don't know, and that scares the hell out of me) most notably the fact that I'm in school and have no time for it, and I'm not in a relationship right now. While I know that this is a bit like putting the cart before the horse, it is simply the depth of "yearning" I felt which compels me to think about this so deeply (which, as I said before, I had never [EVER] stopped to think about before).
I suppose the thing which inspired this troublesome dream is that my sister recently had a child. My nephew. And while I'm as loving an uncle as I can be, it has rather forcefully reasserted the wall that devides fatherhood from every other male role in a child's life. And my guess would be that it was this wall that caused this dream.
Anyways, I suppose this bears some further thinking out. I think writing it down will at least get it off my mind for a while.
You know, when I made this blog the other day, I wasn't sure I'd be able to come up with enough "ammo" to keep it up and running for long. I guess I was wrong there.
"
No lower can a man descend than to interpret his dreams into gold and silver"
~Kahlil Gibran